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Sailor at the helm in a yellow jacket driving through rough seas and crashing waves

⚓ Sailing Jokes  + Submit a Joke

How do you make a small fortune in sailing?
Start with a large fortune.
What's the definition of a boat?
A hole in the water surrounded by fiberglass into which you pour money.
How do sailors greet each other?
Hey, buoy!
Why don't sailors ever get hungry at sea?
Because they're always surrounded by the sea-soning!
My wife said if I bought one more boat part she'd leave me.
I'm really going to miss her.
What's a sailor's least favorite letter?
D — it turns "anchor" into "anger."
How does a sailor cut the sea in half?
With a sea-saw.
Why did the sailor fail his knot-tying exam?
He couldn't get it together under pressure. His technique really unraveled.
What do sailors use to communicate?
A cell phone, just like everyone else. The flags were getting ridiculous.
I told my crew we needed to reef the main. They just stared at me.
Turned out I'd hired a team of marine biologists.
What do you call a boat that's always on time?
A myth.
What's the difference between a sailor and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
A man tells his friend he got a 40-foot sailboat for free. His friend says, "That's amazing!" The man nods.
"The marina fees, repairs, and chandlery bills only cost me $60,000 the first year."
Why do sailors make excellent poker players?
They're used to holding a bad hand and looking calm about it.
What do you call it when a sailor runs aground for the third time?
A habit. The first time is an accident, the second is coincidence, and the third is seamanship.
How many sailors does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it, three to argue about whether the old one was actually broken or just needed cleaning.
My GPS says I'm exactly where I intended to be.
My chart plotter says I'm in a parking lot in Nebraska. Someone is lying.
What's the first thing a sailor says after a long passage?
"The boat needs a few things fixed." Then: "Oh — hi, honey."
Why is anchoring like parking in a city?
You circle forever, find the perfect spot, set the hook, and the guy next to you immediately questions every decision you made.
My boat's engine started on the first try today.
I'm going to have it looked at. Something must be wrong.
What did the ocean say to the sailboat?
Nothing. It just waved.
A sailing instructor asks his student: "What do you do if a squall comes up suddenly?" The student rattles off the textbook answer. The instructor asks, "And if it gets worse?"
The student says, "Call my wife and tell her I love her."
Why did the sailor name his boat "Tax Deduction"?
His accountant told him it would never qualify. He wanted to keep hope alive.
Why don't sailors ever get lost?
They do. They just call it "exploring an alternative route" in the log.
What do you call a sailor who just bought his first boat?
Optimistic. Give it six months.
Why did the sailboat break up with the motorboat?
It said the relationship was going nowhere fast.
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
You'd think it's R, but it's the C.
I asked the rigger how long the new standing rigging would last.
He said, "Longer than your marriage if you keep asking questions like that."
Why was the broom late getting to the marina?
It swept in.
What do you call two sailors arguing about anchoring technique?
A normal Tuesday at any marina happy hour.
My spouse asked why I needed a fourth winch handle.
I explained that three were "lost," one was "borrowed," and the boat just felt lonely without a spare.
Why did the captain bring a pencil aboard?
To draw the curtains before docking in front of an audience.
What's the difference between a fairy tale and a sea story?
A fairy tale begins "Once upon a time." A sea story begins "This is no joke."
How do you know your dinghy outboard is having a bad day?
It starts perfectly at the dock and dies the moment you're 200 yards from shore.
Why did the sailor bring string to the bar?
He heard the drinks were on the house, and he wanted to tie one on.
What do you call a boat owner who actually finishes every item on the to-do list?
Retired. And lying.
Why don't sailboats ever play cards on a long passage?
Too many people standing on the deck — and someone always shuffles off to the head.
A new sailor asks an old salt, "How do I know if I have enough chain out?"
The old salt says, "If you're still wondering, you don't."
What's the most expensive way to find out your bilge pump float switch is stuck?
Leaving the boat on the hard for two weeks during the rainy season.
Why did the sailor refuse to play hide and seek?
Good luck hiding when your boat is the only thing for twenty miles with an AIS transponder screaming your location.
What did the marina attendant say to the sailor who couldn't parallel park his 40-footer?
"Don't worry, everyone's watching — but only because we're hoping for a good story."
Why did the chart plotter and the paper chart get into a fight?
The chart plotter said the island was 200 feet to the left. The paper chart said the island had been there for 10,000 years and wasn't moving for anybody.
How do you turn a sailor into a powerboat owner?
Let him reef in 30 knots of wind and pouring rain just once. Give it time.
What's the sailor's version of "the check is in the mail"?
"We'll be there by sundown" — said at 2pm, about a harbor 40 miles away, against the current.

📊 Sailor Poll — Tell Us About Yourself

Answer 7 quick questions and see what the Sailboats USA.com community looks like. Results update with every submission.

⛵Sailboat Manufacturers & Popular Models

17 manufacturers ranked by production volume • 3 size-class model charts • full manufacturer directory

📊 Now on its own page — with subscriber-style charts Catalina Yachts (85,000 built, closed Oct 2025) • Hunter • O'Day • Beneteau • Pearson • Cal • C&C • Cape Dory • Tartan • Island Packet and more — ranked by lifetime production. Plus the most popular models by size: under 25 ft, 25–34 ft, and 35–50 ft.
Catalina owners: Catalina Direct remains the go-to parts source — fully operational.

⛵ View Full Manufacturers & Models Page →  •  sailboatsusa.com/manufacturers.html  •  SailboatData.com

⚙️Engines & Motors

Full model guides, spec tables, service checklists, and parts sources on dedicated pages.

⛵Sails & Canvas

Sailmakers, canvas brands, DIY guides, Puget Sound canvas shops, and how to order new sails — all on the dedicated page.

🪢Standing & Running Rigging

Wire, rod, Dyneema, running rigging, winches, blocks, and spars — full directory on the dedicated page.

🪢 Rigging Guide — Full Page →  •  Standing rigging suppliers • Dyneema / synthetic rigging • Running rigging • Winches & blocks • Mast & spar makers

🛥Hull & Deck Repair

Gelcoat, fiberglass, resin comparison, teak, sealants, and bottom paint — full guide on the dedicated page.

🛥 Hull & Deck Repair — Full Guide →  •  Gelcoat • Fiberglass • Epoxy vs. Polyester vs. Vinylester • Teak • Antifouling

⚙Hardware, Stainless & Materials

Stainless suppliers, marine hardware, seacocks, general suppliers, and brand-specific OEM parts — full directory on the dedicated page.

⚙ Hardware & Materials — Full Guide →  •  Stainless & Metalwork  •  Defender • Fisheries Supply • West Marine • Catalina Direct • OEM parts by brand

♻️Used & Salvage Parts

Buy good used gear, save serious money. Harken winches last decades — buy used without hesitation.

🏪 Parts & Equipment Marketplace →  •  List or find used parts free on SailboatsUSA  •  Also: Longship Marine (Poulsbo) • Sailing Anarchy Classifieds • eBay Sailing Hardware

📡Electronics & Navigation

Chartplotters, VHF, AIS, autopilots, 12V systems, and battery gear — full guide on the dedicated page.

📡 Electronics & Navigation — Full Guide →  •  AIS Guide  •  Nav Apps  •  Electrical Wiring  •  Garmin • B&G • Simrad • Victron • Blue Sea

⚓Safety & Anchoring

Anchors, EPIRBs, life rafts, PFDs, bilge pumps, and MOB equipment — full guide on the dedicated page.

⚓ Safety & Anchoring — Full Guide →  •  Spade • Rocna • Mantus • ACR • Mustang Survival • Winslow Life Raft • Rule bilge pumps

Forums & Community

General Sailing Forums

Brand Owner Associations

Towing & Membership

Sailor Q&A

❓ Ask or answer questions on SailboatsUSA → — registered members can post questions and answers on our own Q&A page.

Essential Books & Manuals

⭐ Featured Book
The Northern Voyage
by Maya Rovegno — Sailing Magic Carpet
Maya Rovegno — one-half of the beloved Sailing Magic Carpet YouTube duo — takes readers on an extraordinary journey up the rugged coastline of Western Canada. This stunning hardcover chronicles the passages, anchorages, wildlife encounters, and raw beauty of British Columbia's Inside Passage and northern BC coast.
📖 Get the Book →

We've put together a full reading list of 50 books covering boat maintenance, diesel engines, seamanship, navigation, cruising routes, and sailing adventures — from Nigel Calder's essential repair manuals to Moitessier's The Long Way.

📚 Browse the full book list →

💻 Open Source & DIY Marine Technology

Free, community-built alternatives to expensive proprietary marine electronics. A Raspberry Pi and $35 HAT board can replace $800–$2,500 of black-box hardware.

Signal K • OpenCPN • OpenPlotter • PyPilot • MAIANA AIS
Build a full chartplotter with AIS overlay, a tiller autopilot, a Class B AIS transponder, and a boat-wide instrument network — all accessible from your phone — for under $200. Full hardware shopping list, project cards, YouTube channels, and step-by-step tutorial links on the dedicated page.

💻 Open Source & DIY Marine Tech — Full Page →

🚢 Puget Sound Marinas — Sailboat Slips & Moorage

Detailed marina listings have moved to the Washington State page — Bellingham to Olympia, north to south, including Kitsap Peninsula, Port Townsend, and reservation tools.

🚢 View all Puget Sound Marinas on the Washington State page →

Squalicum Harbor • Cap Sante • Port of Everett • Shilshole Bay • Elliott Bay • Port of Poulsbo • Gig Harbor • Port Townsend Boat Haven and more — full list with addresses, phone numbers, and slip details.